No More Inkslop

13 Apr 2026 · Read on Substack · 4 · 3

Inkhaven is a writing retreat where you have to publish 500 words per day, or get kicked out. You are allowed to write about whatever you want. You stay on a beautiful campus in the heart of Berkeley, with snacks and drinks and towel service, with access to some of the most celebrated bloggers in the world from whom you can get advice and feedback – where every need is catered for so you can focus on the act of creating art; on doing the best writing of your goddamn life.

I have it on reliable authority that as a result of the quality of recent posts, a few changes are being made to the format: residents will be fitted with shock collars, the word count is being increased to 5000 words per day, and you will be allowed to write about anything you want, except Inkhaven.

I’ll be frank: the amount of Inkslop you people have been producing is SHOCKING.

Philip Harker wonders whether this place is a cult:

Yes, it’s a cult where you have to write endless posts about the cult.

Derek is worried about being kicked out, which frankly you all should be:

An Inkhaven fanfic? Where we’re all trapped here forever, writing multi-thousand-word shitposts, where the people who don’t publish when the torture of this living nightmare finally becomes too much get disappeared? Bit on the nose, don’t you think, Wales?

And yet it was somehow the week’s top rated post because you are all *insufferable narcissists*

On a blog fight which happened earlier in the week and sparked a series of contra contra contra posts, don’t get me started on that one¹1. Love you Layla, I would never say anything to hurt you, this post is just a joke I swear:

Tbf I started the vegan debate which I regret *immensely*

Fuck’s sake this one is about the lunchtime announcements:

On trying to bait Nathan Fielder into coming to Inkhaven:

He’s one of the most famous comedians in the world. He’s not going to come here to hang out with you.

Complaining that Scott Alexander isn’t coming (which, to be fair, is an outrage and I’ll be asking for a partial refund of my program fee if true):

More summaryslop:

And there are more. So many more. My mouse hand got tired of screenshotting them all.

Claude just liked all the posts about Inkhaven, predictably

This wasn’t even the only bathroom review post *this week*.

Thankfully the Inkhaven team have finally stepped in to bring an end to this madness. Wait…

You should all be ASHAMED of yourselves. You didn’t all take time off work and away from your friends and family and fly here from god knows where to write about A WRITING RETREAT. You’re meant to write about OTHER THINGS from the REAL WORLD. Inkhaven residents only want one thing and it’s fucking DISGUSTING: to write endless posts about Inkhaven.

If I have to read any more of your drivel I am going to eat this.

I look forward with bated breath to the endless stream of Inkhaven retrospectives, advice for future Inkhaveners, What I Wish I Had Known About Inkhaven etc etc and so on and so forth ad infinitum. Imagine Ben Pace with a shit-eating grin stamping on a human face forever.

Look. I have to come clean about something. Even I’m a victim of this particular mind varus:

My best-received piece so far. That should tell you something.

We can do better. We must do better. We cannot keep feeding the maw of our own navel-gazing, the sheer obsession with self, the enormous circlejerk that is posting endless Inkslop…

1. Love you Layla, I would never say anything to hurt you, this post is just a joke I swear